Mavis Beacon Please Save My Marriage

Recently, I got a nightstand which has transformed my whole bedroom experience for the better, and my husband's for the worse.  And not for reasons that may or may not be coming to your mind right now, so please don't think of anything until I explain.  Not that anything is coming to your mind, I mean it shouldn't be, except when someone says a phrase like "transformed my whole bedroom experience," things just sometimes pop in the mind.

Your mind should be blank at this point.  Thank you.

For some reason, when we bought our bedroom suit twelve years ago, we only bought one nightstand, and for some other reason completely unknown to me, my husband felt like it should go on his side of the bed.  So I have been nightstandless for twelve years.  And I didn't know what I didn't have until I had it, then it all became clear to me what an invaluable piece of furniture a nightstand is.

I now--get this--have somewhere to set a glass of water.  I have somewhere to put my glasses.  I have a lamp which illuminates the written words of a book if I choose to read in bed, and then I can put said book in my very own nightstand drawer.  

I have my own drawer.

But the best thing is that I now have a place to set my computer once I have done whatever I need to do on it.  And this is the part that is making my husband miserable. Because I have been bringing my computer to bed with me. And this is a problem.

And if you think I'm going in a certain direction with this, I am still not going in that direction, so will you please blank out your mind again?  Thank you.

The problem with bringing my computer to bed is that I type.  But it's not typing that bothers him.  It's my typing that bothers him.

So I was sitting in bed the other night, just typing away without a care in the world (In the bed!  Next to my nightstand!), and I suddenly had this eerie feeling that I was being watched.  So I looked at him and indeed, he was staring at my fingers with somewhat of a disgusted look.  So I asked him what the problem was and he said "You're a hunter and pecker, aren't you?"

"What?"

Then he went on.  "You don't know how to type, do you?"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm typing here.  What are you getting at?"  I was starting to feel a little defensive.

"How did you get through college?" he asked.

"My sister typed my papers, thank you,"  I shot back.

"I can type without looking," he boasted.  "You know, you're supposed to type without looking at the keys.  Didn't you ever take typing in high school?"

Good grief, let's just pick your wife apart and watch her bleed to death all over the keyboard.  (I cannot believe this subject has never come up in our whole married life until now.  There is a good possibility, though, that he may not have really noticed my poor typing skills.  We didn't get a computer until 2002, and it was a desk computer stuck in the spare bedroom where I spent many lonely hours learning the Internet.  I upgraded to a laptop in 2009, so it hasn't really been that long that I was able to move out of that dark and dreary dungeon and type from our loveseat which is across the room from my husband's lounging place of choice, the couch.   SO, my hands have been hidden from his view, and with the TV going loud which is the usual scenario in the living room, he really may have not noticed.)

(Or this.  He has noticed and it's been driving him batty, but because he loves me so much and does not want to hurt me in any way, he has held back.  Obviously he is naive enough to think that his disapproval of my typing skills will in some way make me feel bad.  Good one.  I think me typing in the same bed not two feet away was more than he could take and he just snapped.  At least in the living room, I'm on the other side of the room on a completely different couch.) 

So he went on to explain that I didn't know how to type correctly .  And then he said that I "hunt" and "peck" all over the keyboard.  And I challenged him that he was making that phrase up, but while we were discussing it, I pecked the term out in my Google search engine and there it was, right there in the Urban Dictionary.  (Truthfully, I'm pretty fast with my pecking, so I'm not sure what the problem is.)

I asked him if me typing like I have hooves instead of fingers would have any impact on our relationship as man and wife, and his response was "Do you want me to teach you how to correctly type?"

I'm taking that as a yes.

So it looks like I am going to have to turn to Mavis Beacon for help in salvaging what's left of our shattered marriage. 
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